I meet with a girl 3.5 years old, I love her very much, I want us to have a common future. But a year ago I accidentally met the former. For me, she has always been more likely. After our meeting, he wrote to her that I want to see. I don’t understand now – why. My girlfriend saw this correspondence, we quarreled. True, then reconciled. But the former recently wrote to me: “Hello”, to which I replied: “What I wanted?»The correspondence ended on this. My girlfriend saw messages again and decided that we communicate, that http://www.winsystechnology.com/cloud-services/ there was something between us. I tried to prove that this is not so that I never cheated on her. I even suggested calling that of my friend and ask her. But my girlfriend replies to this, that we conspired, that I had already betrayed her once. I don’t want to apologize, because I don’t feel guilty. We are on the verge of gap. The girl admits that she loves me, but does not believe. What to do? How to convince her?
Yes, Dmitry, history, in my opinion, has developed not easy. It will be difficult to find a way out of it. I would have suggested for starting to learn some lessons from your experience.
- Relations are built not only on love, but also on trust. And these are different things. As you see for yourself, one love may not be enough.
- Trust relationships are built slowly, and to destroy them simply. And even because of the seemingly innocent.
- In addition to love and trust in relationships, respect for the partner should also be present – for his borders, his interests and feelings.
You should have thought twice before making an appointment of the former, and certainly should be better to hide your phone. Perhaps, of course, the girl violated your boundaries by reading personal correspondence. Perhaps mutual respect is exactly what your couple lacks.
What to do now?
First, I understand your unwillingness to apologize. But I think that you are at least sincerely regretting that you have hurt your loved one. So say so: “I see that it hurts you. I understand that now it’s hard for you to believe me. I am very sorry about this. And I still love it very much «.
Secondly, accept that trust will not return instantly. You can no longer do as it was. Do not torment each other with fruitless attempts to prove something. Give each other time.
Thirdly, I recommend clarifying the relationship with your ex-girlfriend for myself. This is the most “I don’t know why I wanted to see her” very similar to an incomplete relationship. Something between you is left between you. What? Something still pulled you to her? Perhaps this will also indicate what you personally lack in the current relationship. And at the right moment, very carefully, you can tell your beloved about it. Share experiences. But, I repeat, with great caution, realizing that you are doing this as a sign of trust and intimacy, and not out of the desire to prove something.
Well, besides, if you still decide to stay together, this situation is very well suited for talking about relationships, borders and trust between you. Try to tell each other what the trust in pairs means to you and what will violate it. Where your personal boundaries go, and what are you a single whole? Are you ready to respect each other’s boundaries and at the same time be a couple? Try to clarify as much as possible for yourself. Clarity creates security and, as a result, confidence.